Lachrymose and Weary Remixed

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Brian beat me to it. I too was taken with the poem created by Jabiz’s student.

When writing, I often write with placeholder lyrics (Think the classic McCartney placeholder “Scrambled Eggs” which held an early position over “Yesterday” in his famous song of the same name). I need something with the right amount of syllables that will match a melody, and so I grabbed some of the lines that I think worked as non-rhyming verses, and then got stuck on the chorus.

“Broker than Jesus” is a placeholder, though, if you were a believer, it would make a decent allusion. Pieces is a tough one to rhyme. “He says, she says” would work, as would “Reese’s”(of peanut butter & chocolate fame).  “Cheeses” would work as well (Ha), but “broker than cheeses” is a pretty stupid metaphor, and most would hear “broker than Cheesus,” as in, cheese Jesus, which is probably worse.

I also added a second verse, as I wanted to have a double verse before the chorus, and connect the two first lines of both, ie. “Emotion” / “Commotion”

Here’s where I ended up. Thanks Michelle for letting me use your work!

What if pain was more than an emotion?
made your heart bleed,
broke your bones,
and bruised your skin?

What if pain, was more than just this commotion
turning up my chest, 
denying my rest.

If that’s the case, I must be in pieces.
If that’s the case, I’m broker than Jesus

What if life was only just a game;
winning the beginning;
lovers throw you off your path;
friends only there for empty promises;
enemies are the only ones who listen.

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8 thoughts on “Lachrymose and Weary Remixed

    bryanjack said:
    March 1, 2013 at 6:17 am

    Wow – this is awesome, awesome, awsome, Nathan! Love what you’ve done with the chords and melody line, and the vocal is captured perfectly, as well.

    My hat’s off to you, sir!

    Jabiz Raisdana (@intrepidteacher) said:
    March 1, 2013 at 9:45 am

    I agree. Solid version. Sounds like a Belle and Sebastian song. Can’t wait to give it a go too. So cool to watch us all “draft” this song. So curious to see where all it will go.

    ColinJagoe said:
    March 1, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    Fantastic. Just great. Thanks for the insight to the things you did with the words, to move them around. I’m curious as to the melody, and your process to put that together. That’s something I never end up being happy with when I try to write things. Thanks for sharing this!

    […] A few days after that Nathan, shuffles the words and creates this beautiful melody and records his version. […]

    Keri-Lee Beasley said:
    March 3, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    Hi Nathan,
    Oh, I love what you’ve done with the poem! Sounds absolutely fab! I work with Jabiz and would love to have a play around with your version. Is it possible for you to make it creative commons on SoundCloud so I can download it?
    Many thanks in advance (she says, hopefully).
    (I am @klbeasley on SoundCloud)

    nathanjohnmoes responded:
    March 4, 2013 at 6:56 am

    Hi Keri-Lee,

    The recording has been made creative commons, and downloadable. I listened to a couple of your songs on your profile, and they sound fantastic!

    The chords in case you need them are as follows:

    Verse:
    G | Bm-Bbm-Am | D | G

    Chorus

    Em | Am | D

    Sincerely,

    Nathan

    claydotd said:
    March 6, 2013 at 8:35 am

    This is such a nice little piece to listen to! I love the subtle harmonies going on, and how it all works together.
    The style reminds me a lot of a mix between Wake Owl (http://www.wakeowl.com/) and Bon Iver (http://boniver.org/), two groups I absolutely adore. I can’t wait to hear more!
    Also, thanks for the insight into writing! I’ve been trying to start writing my own songs, but I haven’t really been successful when it comes to lyrics…
    -Clayton

      nathanjohnmoes responded:
      March 7, 2013 at 3:20 am

      Hi Clayton,

      I too enjoy those artists, in fact a couple of my pals played as part of Colyn Cameron’s band on his last tour!

      As for lyrics, I typically would get stuck here too, and it was only an upcoming show that would force me to put something down. I would become increasingly frustrated with playing only old songs, and eventually I would have to put pen to paper, and from there, simply perform them, even in their half state with placeholder lyrics at times. Gotta give up on perfection.

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